Monday, April 23, 2012
MS-MAPP #4
I have never thought that I could be any other way than honest in this journey! Where does that leave me from meeting 4? Well, the children with attachments and helping a child live with attachments for the rest of their lives freaked me out. I sat there and said, this does not effect us, we are getting a baby,Straight from the oven, no worries! I'm not worried, I can go back to playing seven little words. Yes, I hear the laughter in the background. I will tell you what Lamar and I learned from this instead of saying, it's life, take your Prozac like everyone else living in the U.S. and don't worry. 1. The basic needs of humans, is survival, safety, love, belonging, self esteem, and making dreams coming true. 2. The definition of attachment is the affectionate and emotional tie between people that continues indefinitely over time and lasts even when people are geographically apart. My fears have eased due to the harsh reality of life and knowing that anyone from any walk of life can have some sort of attachment needs. It's ok and we will all be fine. Loving this child with everything that we have and giving him or her everything to fulfill them! "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." Matthew 5:8
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Labor pains and other not so fun things........
Sitting in adoption class on Tuesday night, my back was achy. not normal achy, just different, uncomfortable achy. not fun achy! I sat the entire class before deciding that it was time to go to the hospital. I am thankful that we live within screaming distance of East campus because the pain was not getting any better. there was no wait at the ER, I know right, I discussed it later with the nurse and I did relay to her that it was not a full moon and therefore all of the normal "crazy" people that find themselves out and about during these times, were under their normal rocks hiding. The doctor came into say hi and asked me my medical opinion on what was going on. Well, with all of my years of medical school, I threw clenched teeth, explained that being a veteran of the Kidney Stones R Us club, it was a stone and it was moving. He was so great about quickly getting me the meds that I needed to see the room move, 2 of Lamar and be able to text again on my phone. I still am unsure what I needed to tell my mom at that particular moment but in my medicated stupor, felt it of importance! I later found out that I expressed to her that in no uncertain terms, we needed milk! So sparing all of the remainder of the labor and delivery, I gave birth to an amazing,painful, small kidney stone in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. They sent me home with an antibiotic and pain meds because of an infection in my kidneys on top of the stone. I will NOT give up.....I did feel close to death several times over the days that followed, due to a reaction to the antibiotic. that was worse then the stone, to be honest, I would not recommend either one! Alls well that ends well though, I ended up with new meds and have taken a miraculous turn for better health once again and will shortly be back in full force getting updates rolling along on the adoption!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Memorable meeting #3
The most memorable thing from meeting #3: bonding and attachment, children cannot grow up normally unless they have a continuing stable relationship, an attachment to at least one nurturing adult. It is so important for children to have attachments to nurturing adults, if they lack any kind of "normalcy", they end up with many attachments along the way. Some children that have been adopted and have not experienced nurturing, they can spend their lives dealing with the effects. Lifelong issues include: loss, rejection, guilt/shame, Grief, identity, intimacy, and control. These are some huge issues to get over. My mind often wonders in class as we discuss the children, why does this have to happen to them? Little innocent children who don't choose this life. The solice that I have is that My heart is full when I know that we can have one of these baby's to raise and be their nurturer from birth to forever!
The baby's room
The walls are turquoise and brown with an oatmeal color chair rail. The changing table is espresso, the 3 shelf stand in the corner is distressed yellow and from Lanell's house(Lamar's mom). The rocking chair is brown, and was bought by my dad on the day I came home from the hospital. The crib is an oatmeal color that matches the chair rail and the crib belonged to one of my dearest friends who is just like my sister! The crib held her 2 children, Claire & Christopher, when they were babies. Lamar and I are very honored to have these special pieces of furniture in our baby's nursery!!
The nursery is not yet complete, but soon it will be exactly what I dreamed it would be
Friday, April 13, 2012
Funny story in front of a judge
So with all of the garbage that we hear week after week of what happens to these kids, it is always nice to hear a funny story and share in the joy of children being placed in loving homes! This story comes from one of our social workers who always attends the adoptions of the children. when you work around this stuff on a minute to minute basis, you have to have some good to every now and then outway the bad.
This amazing older couple adopted 4 boys under the age of 10, all who had a diagnosis of ADHD, God bless these people. anyway, they went before the judge on the day of the adoption and the judge asked if any of them were going to change their first names. the youngest, who was just 5, raised his hand and very excitedly asked the courtroom if his name could be changed to Cougar! the mother very calmly put her hand on his lap and said, "no dear, we are not changing it to cougar" and that was it! Love 5 year olds and love to hear stories of hope in these dark times
This amazing older couple adopted 4 boys under the age of 10, all who had a diagnosis of ADHD, God bless these people. anyway, they went before the judge on the day of the adoption and the judge asked if any of them were going to change their first names. the youngest, who was just 5, raised his hand and very excitedly asked the courtroom if his name could be changed to Cougar! the mother very calmly put her hand on his lap and said, "no dear, we are not changing it to cougar" and that was it! Love 5 year olds and love to hear stories of hope in these dark times
Recap of PS MAPP meetings 1-2
So time and time again we have been asked what we like most about the classes and what makes the biggest impact on us. It has taken some time to think about this and re read what we have done in some of the classes but this is the bottom line of what we have come up with as the most memorable. The truth is in some of this, that the information is NOT always birds and sunshine. we deal with the same case studies every single week and have some to know these kids. The bad news is that the things that have happend to these kids are mind blowing, tear wrenching, oh my goodness how does someone in their right mind allow that to happen to an infant, child, well, anyone for that matter! ok, enough of my opinion on part of this world's population. Class #1: Learning all of Iowa's state laws about adoption and foster parenting. Learning the child's rights, and learning our rights as an adoptive family or "forever family". Class #2: The impact of physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional maltreatment, and neglect on a child's development. Helping the premature baby or infant who is prenatally drug exposed or that has FAS(fetal alcohol syndrome) attach and develop. So much information for us to all take in just 6 short hours
Home study visits
The law requires that in an adoption, 4 in home visits from a licenser are completed. Yes, to some, an invasion of privacy!! I guess at first, it was that to me. Lamar, he doesn't care.
These visits are designed to help families and social workers jointly assess strengths and needs in our family setting. All family members living in the house participate.
They collect a ton of paperwork and know us now inside and out!!! Lamar and I discussed it from the beginning and knew that we would ultimately be ok with it for the end result being a baby that needs a loving home.
As of today, we have 1 study complete and the 2nd one is set for Monday the 16th.
Home study #1 was all personal information. Where we were born and raised and everything in between. Funniest question from the first visit was asking about our neighbors and if we had any problems with them??? For those of you that know us well, know we have this huge house by us and it was turned into a rental property. We get the bottom of the barrel moving in and out all of the time, no joke. This time we have a couple with 4 kids and the parents, every Wednesday, are outside yelling at the top of their lungs, you little morons, *#%•*, €¥£^%%, and so on and then when every explicate has been yelled, the say "ok, get in the van, we're going to be late for church!!!!!" ROTFL
These visits are designed to help families and social workers jointly assess strengths and needs in our family setting. All family members living in the house participate.
They collect a ton of paperwork and know us now inside and out!!! Lamar and I discussed it from the beginning and knew that we would ultimately be ok with it for the end result being a baby that needs a loving home.
As of today, we have 1 study complete and the 2nd one is set for Monday the 16th.
Home study #1 was all personal information. Where we were born and raised and everything in between. Funniest question from the first visit was asking about our neighbors and if we had any problems with them??? For those of you that know us well, know we have this huge house by us and it was turned into a rental property. We get the bottom of the barrel moving in and out all of the time, no joke. This time we have a couple with 4 kids and the parents, every Wednesday, are outside yelling at the top of their lungs, you little morons, *#%•*, €¥£^%%, and so on and then when every explicate has been yelled, the say "ok, get in the van, we're going to be late for church!!!!!" ROTFL
PS MAPP
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
When we were told about taking these classes, I thought, really? I've raised a child and she is fine. I know how to change and take care of a baby, what are you going to teach me?
Wow, the things I've learned. See, even though Matt, Megan, Jessica and Katie were children of divorce, they had the mother that gave birth to them. They had a "normal" enough childhood.
This class is for licensing and includes fostering as well. You learn things that happen to children/babies that you can never wrap your head around!! You learn a out the ultimate depravity of what a "human being" I use that term so loosely is capable of! The evil that lives in this world. It makes you speechless, I promise.
The class is defined as: meetings that explain the process of becoming an adoptive parent and the legal foundation for child welfare services. Focused on safety, well being and permanence. You learn, 1. Losses and gains 2. Helping children with attachments. 3. Helping children learn to manage their behaviors 4. Helping children with birth family connections 5. Understanding the impact of fostering or adopting 6. Endings and beginnings
When we were told about taking these classes, I thought, really? I've raised a child and she is fine. I know how to change and take care of a baby, what are you going to teach me?
Wow, the things I've learned. See, even though Matt, Megan, Jessica and Katie were children of divorce, they had the mother that gave birth to them. They had a "normal" enough childhood.
This class is for licensing and includes fostering as well. You learn things that happen to children/babies that you can never wrap your head around!! You learn a out the ultimate depravity of what a "human being" I use that term so loosely is capable of! The evil that lives in this world. It makes you speechless, I promise.
The class is defined as: meetings that explain the process of becoming an adoptive parent and the legal foundation for child welfare services. Focused on safety, well being and permanence. You learn, 1. Losses and gains 2. Helping children with attachments. 3. Helping children learn to manage their behaviors 4. Helping children with birth family connections 5. Understanding the impact of fostering or adopting 6. Endings and beginnings
Thursday, April 12, 2012
The beginning of the journey: part 2
November 2011: so much had happened and we were lost in all of the grief from losing Lanell. I had not intentionally forgot to sign the final agreement for Haiti but it just worked out that way! Looking back, it was all God, it's always been God.
November 24, 2011: we went to cedar rapids and meet with a local social worker and after the meeting, we knew we wanted to adopt in the united states instead of international. The ride on the way home changed our adoption direction forever! That night, we had an attorney and a plan to move forward with this domestic adoption of an infant child.
January and February 2012: we were finger printed and put into the national data base as well as Interpol.
February 28, 2012: we started our first PS MAPP class
November 24, 2011: we went to cedar rapids and meet with a local social worker and after the meeting, we knew we wanted to adopt in the united states instead of international. The ride on the way home changed our adoption direction forever! That night, we had an attorney and a plan to move forward with this domestic adoption of an infant child.
January and February 2012: we were finger printed and put into the national data base as well as Interpol.
February 28, 2012: we started our first PS MAPP class
The beginning of the journey: part 1
July 2011: I attended my bi weekly women's bible study at a shelter when I had a conversation with a women from our church saying that her and her husband were just months away from adopting a daughter from china! What an amazing event for them and my heart and soul stirred with enotion. It was very overwhelming. I called Lamar on the way home and told him of kristan and I's conversation. I expressed to him that maybe this is what God has been preparing me for. He said in a soft, emotional voice that God had laid it on his heart 5 years ago to adopt but knew that he had to wait for God to make me ready! It took 5 years but I responded to the call
August 2011: we found the international agency we wanted to go through, applied and was accepted into the Haiti program to adopt an infant. Things took a back seat when Lanell, Lamar's mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Everything in our life Came to an awful hault. We let the adoption sit there
October 2011: Lanell passed away
August 2011: we found the international agency we wanted to go through, applied and was accepted into the Haiti program to adopt an infant. Things took a back seat when Lanell, Lamar's mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Everything in our life Came to an awful hault. We let the adoption sit there
October 2011: Lanell passed away
The journey of a lifetime
Lamar and I began this journey a while ago and knew from the start that this was meant to be for us. There have been many nights where I've questioned God's authority in this and have had so many doubts. The last six months have been such a hard time for us as a family and trying to deal with loss. I must admit that I never dreamed of going down this particular path with our family, but know so well, this is his plan for our life! What an amazing journey.
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