I have to be very careful about the things that I say in this post because I want to protect the people involved as much as I can.
I cannot stand when people have children and treat them like trash and physically, mentally and sexually abuse them. Lamar, Katie and I are so distraught about a family that we know. The children in the family are starved for attention and need love. Their school has called DHS on the parents many times because of bruises on the children, investigations take place and the children are still there. This last weekend was really bad and the police were called to their house. 2 of the kids share a twin bed, 1 kid sleeps on the couch and 1 sleeps in a crate like thing. The house looks like something on horders(this is not first hand information from me but from a neighbor that has been in their house) and their animals have used all of the rooms as a bathroom.
When is enough finally enough where the CPS/DHS steps in and removes the children? All of the weeks that we spent in class listening to similar situations about children and now we hear of one that we know of and it seems that nothing is being done to take care of these children. Please do not think in any way that I am saying anything bad about DHS because that is not my intention at all. My heart is just in a million pieces for these children that need to know what it is like to not be yelled at all of the time, not be slaves to their parents, to know bath times and bed times with being tucked into their own beds and having mommy and daddy reading them bed time stories!
I wish that DHS would make something out of this awful situation but unless it is done shortly, I am writing this with a very heavy heart because they are moving from the house that they are currently in and moving about 45 minutes from the city into the country. God help these children that are going to be out in the middle of no where and no one will be able to see the black eyes, the dirty skin and the hungry look on their faces. My heart breaks
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Accenttchuate the Positive
The funny things that happen when I am blogging. Katie and I are currently in her room as I am typing this up and she is searching for music on I tunes and we are talking. She is looking for her favorite old songs such as "Somewhere over the rainbow", "Meet me in St. Louis" and "Accenttchuate the Positive" by Perry Como. She is singing and I am enjoying listening to her because I know someday that she will be off on her own!
The third homestudy was very personal and so Lamar and I discussed it and are not going to blog about it. yes, we are trying to remain very open and informative about this adoption but there is a lot that is very personal and its ours and ours alone. I know that you all understand that
The final home insepection took place on the 30th of April and we are so relieved that it is over. having social workers in your house is very trying on your nerves-no matter how "clean and upright" you and your family/house is.
Katie sat in on the final session and then we did the final walk through. It is finiahes, and we passed with flying colors and the 3 of us are absolutly thrilled. Such an amazing final step in this adoption. So our house is baby proofed again and our journey is making great progress. The licensing part is complete and now we wait for the huge step of getting the baby. We have no idea yet if its a boy or a girl but we have names for both just in case :)
"O Sovereign Lord! You made the heavens and earth by your strong hand and powerful arm. Nothing is too hard for you! You show unfailing love to thousands, you are the great and powerful God, the Lord of Heaven's armies. You have all of the wisdom and do great and mighty miracles." Jeremiah 3:17-19
The third homestudy was very personal and so Lamar and I discussed it and are not going to blog about it. yes, we are trying to remain very open and informative about this adoption but there is a lot that is very personal and its ours and ours alone. I know that you all understand that
The final home insepection took place on the 30th of April and we are so relieved that it is over. having social workers in your house is very trying on your nerves-no matter how "clean and upright" you and your family/house is.
Katie sat in on the final session and then we did the final walk through. It is finiahes, and we passed with flying colors and the 3 of us are absolutly thrilled. Such an amazing final step in this adoption. So our house is baby proofed again and our journey is making great progress. The licensing part is complete and now we wait for the huge step of getting the baby. We have no idea yet if its a boy or a girl but we have names for both just in case :)
"O Sovereign Lord! You made the heavens and earth by your strong hand and powerful arm. Nothing is too hard for you! You show unfailing love to thousands, you are the great and powerful God, the Lord of Heaven's armies. You have all of the wisdom and do great and mighty miracles." Jeremiah 3:17-19
Final thoughts of PS MAPP
The final thoughts of things that we have come to learn over the past 10 weeks: 1. Know your own family 2. Communicate effectively 3. Know the children 4. Build strengths, meet needs 5. Work in partnership 6. Be loss and attachment experts 7. Managed behaviors 8. Build connections 9. Build self esteem 10. Assure health and safety 11. Assess impact 12.make an informed decision.
In the end, Lamar and I finished these meetings, coming out as different people. Learning our strengths from our needs and becoming even more prepared to love a child and become their forever family! I think there are times in your life when you think that you know your family so well, but in the midst of life, you can lose that knowledge that you once held so dear. You not only learn about your family but you learn so much about yourself. Some good things and lets all face it, some not so good things! oh please, everyone has baggage and garbage in their life that we would care to sweep under the rug, but unfortunately, the classes make you bring it out into the open. After all, as our social worker tells Katie all of the time, "We don't just give children away!"
I do have to share though how well they quickly learned about Lamar. All of you that of course no him, know that he adores food! This is the man who could play the SNL skit with the all you can eat chinese buffet and the man yelling at Chris Farley saying "Fat boy, you leave, you eat too much." ok, so back to the story. Every week a couple was to bring snacks for the class since we were there for 3 hours. The second week, we get there and are all settled in and the couple that was supposed to bring snacks had yet arrived. our teacher says to the class, well, Im not sure who was supposed to bring the snacks this week for class, but we will figure it....(Lamar very loudly interupts), stands up from his chair, points across to the empty chairs, and says in his deep southern drawl , "that couple over there is in charge of snacks tonight!!!", so after the laughing stopped, our teacher says, well, if anything, Lamar will always know who is bringing food! I love my husband!
Final thought on the 10 weeks of classes. We are ready and so prepared to be parents again and raise this amazing child that God has chosen just for us. Katie is going to be an amazing big sister and adore this child and this child is going to be loved by so many people and have a wonderful life and so many opprutunities that it may not have had. This journey is going to be a rollar coaster of emotions, but in the big picture, God is in control, he has a plan and no matter the road that it takes to get there, it is the journey that makes us who we are and strengthens us to become even better people then we were before.
We also have learned that we can preach and preach Katie everything that we think she should do and how she should live, and the person that we feel she should be, but the ultimate truth is that she has become the young woman that she is by learning what she has lived and the examples of what we have and still continue to be for her. Your life is what you make of it, you only have 1, so make the best of everything that God has blessed you with.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
In the end, Lamar and I finished these meetings, coming out as different people. Learning our strengths from our needs and becoming even more prepared to love a child and become their forever family! I think there are times in your life when you think that you know your family so well, but in the midst of life, you can lose that knowledge that you once held so dear. You not only learn about your family but you learn so much about yourself. Some good things and lets all face it, some not so good things! oh please, everyone has baggage and garbage in their life that we would care to sweep under the rug, but unfortunately, the classes make you bring it out into the open. After all, as our social worker tells Katie all of the time, "We don't just give children away!"
I do have to share though how well they quickly learned about Lamar. All of you that of course no him, know that he adores food! This is the man who could play the SNL skit with the all you can eat chinese buffet and the man yelling at Chris Farley saying "Fat boy, you leave, you eat too much." ok, so back to the story. Every week a couple was to bring snacks for the class since we were there for 3 hours. The second week, we get there and are all settled in and the couple that was supposed to bring snacks had yet arrived. our teacher says to the class, well, Im not sure who was supposed to bring the snacks this week for class, but we will figure it....(Lamar very loudly interupts), stands up from his chair, points across to the empty chairs, and says in his deep southern drawl , "that couple over there is in charge of snacks tonight!!!", so after the laughing stopped, our teacher says, well, if anything, Lamar will always know who is bringing food! I love my husband!
Final thought on the 10 weeks of classes. We are ready and so prepared to be parents again and raise this amazing child that God has chosen just for us. Katie is going to be an amazing big sister and adore this child and this child is going to be loved by so many people and have a wonderful life and so many opprutunities that it may not have had. This journey is going to be a rollar coaster of emotions, but in the big picture, God is in control, he has a plan and no matter the road that it takes to get there, it is the journey that makes us who we are and strengthens us to become even better people then we were before.
We also have learned that we can preach and preach Katie everything that we think she should do and how she should live, and the person that we feel she should be, but the ultimate truth is that she has become the young woman that she is by learning what she has lived and the examples of what we have and still continue to be for her. Your life is what you make of it, you only have 1, so make the best of everything that God has blessed you with.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
Baby's First Book
Tell me again about the night I was born by Jamie Lee Curtis
This is the very first book that we bought for the baby after we had made the decision to move forward with the adoption. It had been raining very heavy and we nipped into Borders bookstore on a saturday night before church service. The bookstore is one of my favorite places on earth. It is the smell of the coffee, the quietness of the surroundings and the walls and shelves full of amazing literature from past and present authors that can take you to amazing places in your imagination. It is in this wonderful place that this book was found and will remain my favorite book for this baby. A small token of memories from the past and something they will hopefully cherish as much as we do. Here is just a short excerpt from the book: ~Tell me again about the night I was born
~Tell me again how you couldnt grow a baby in your tummy, so another woman who was too young to take care of me was growing me and she would be my birth mother, and you would adopt me and be my birth parents
~Tell me again about the first time you saw me and how you couldnt believe something so small could make you smile so big
~Tell me again how tiny and perfect I was
~Tell me again about the first time you held me in your arms and called me your baby sweet. tell me how you cried happy tears
~Tell me again about my first bottle and how I liked it so much
~Tell me again about my first diaper change and how I didnt like it at all
~Tell me again about the first night you were my daddy and you told me about baseball being the perfect game, like your daddy told you
~Tell me again about the first night you were my mommy and you sang the lullaby your mommy sang to you
~Tell me again about our first night as a family
~mommy, daddy, tell me again about the night I was born
This is the very first book that we bought for the baby after we had made the decision to move forward with the adoption. It had been raining very heavy and we nipped into Borders bookstore on a saturday night before church service. The bookstore is one of my favorite places on earth. It is the smell of the coffee, the quietness of the surroundings and the walls and shelves full of amazing literature from past and present authors that can take you to amazing places in your imagination. It is in this wonderful place that this book was found and will remain my favorite book for this baby. A small token of memories from the past and something they will hopefully cherish as much as we do. Here is just a short excerpt from the book: ~Tell me again about the night I was born
~Tell me again how you couldnt grow a baby in your tummy, so another woman who was too young to take care of me was growing me and she would be my birth mother, and you would adopt me and be my birth parents
~Tell me again about the first time you saw me and how you couldnt believe something so small could make you smile so big
~Tell me again how tiny and perfect I was
~Tell me again about the first time you held me in your arms and called me your baby sweet. tell me how you cried happy tears
~Tell me again about my first bottle and how I liked it so much
~Tell me again about my first diaper change and how I didnt like it at all
~Tell me again about the first night you were my daddy and you told me about baseball being the perfect game, like your daddy told you
~Tell me again about the first night you were my mommy and you sang the lullaby your mommy sang to you
~Tell me again about our first night as a family
~mommy, daddy, tell me again about the night I was born
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
PS MAPP Meeting 5 & 6
These 2 meetings were very similar in the information that we covered. It was helping children learn to manage behaviors and focusing on family structuring. #1. Be clear about expectations and rules inside and outside the home. #2. Helping children with birth family connections, keeping them with their culture and do not let them lose their identity. This was very overwhelming for me as we discussed this. How would you keep a child connected to their culture if they are a different race? Do you try and Make a Chinese, Russian, Haitian, or whatever race or color, do you try and make them white? I'm not in anyway trying to sound vulgar but I never thought about how we would handle any of it. We had a couple in our class that adopted 3 boys from Ethiopia and too keep them connected to their culture, every year they celebrate African holidays to keep them connected! What a great way to help them keep their identity and some connection to their culture and the country they were born in! The other memorable thing for us was the openness in the adoption. The level of openness is a parental decision based upon the needs of the child. Here are ways to help keep connections •providing children with information about their family origin. •letters and photos exchanged between parents and adoptive parents through the child placement agency. •giving children photos and letters from their parents and or extended family members. •sharing holidays with birth parents and or extended family. •regular or semi regular visits. Lamar and I have discussed in great length on an open adoption and feel, under a normal adoption that we will be fine with an open adoption. We don't consider it as a benefit to birth patents but for our future child. "your steadfast love. Oh Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mountains of God." psalm 36:5-6
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