September-December 2012

September through Novemeber of 2012 brought a calm to the house. We were not a normal foster family at this time because we did not have both birth parents involved in the case and during these 3 months, birth mom had been away so we did not have contact with her in any kind of way. J adjusted well during this time and we began to see a broken little boy turn into this amazing little boy with so much potential. We were down to very few tantrums and the things that were being brought out through his actions were "normal" age appropriate things.
A bond was formed between him and Lamar and it was the sweetest thing that I had ever seen. Lamar would be walking in the store with his hands in his pocket and following closly behind him was J with his hands in his pockets as well.
We went through many firsts that we have many happy memories from. In September, we went fishing at West Lake with my parents and he caught a fish. October came a weekend trip to Chicago so we could go to Lego Land, trick-or-treating for Halloween and my mom making him his tiger costume that he wore to bed many nights before and after halloween. November was a big first when it was 70 one weekend and Lamar put the tent up in the back yard and him, J, Katie, Meredith and Becca had a campout. November also brought  his first Thanksgiving and spending the day with all of the Dunkin family.
December brought the Christmas holidays, break from school and our favorite time of year, Christmas! J learned the true meaning of Christmas when Jesus came to this world, born in a manger.
Katie thought we made a lot of progress and then one day we went to Grandma's house and walked by her manger scene and he said "look mom, Its Mary, Joseph and baby Noah"....Ok, so a little confusion on the bible stories.
December also brought a huge change of bringing his birth mom back into his life and ours. I want to say that it was all sunshine and daisies, but it was a huge struggle, and not just for him, but for all of us. In this situation of fostering to adopt or adoption period, you are not only dealing with the child that you are caring for but for all of the attachments that come with he or she. They all come with baggage and it is your job as their current parent to help them work through it. Thank goodness for the classes that we were able to take, but, just like with your own children, they do not all come the same and every child is so different. What worked for Katie does not work for J.
Kids that have been through trauma can hide a lot of things and can get really good at hiding agression. The thing is about it all, you never know when the past will rear its ugly head and come barrling at you with both fists!! Let me tell you, it would come at the worse times and linger for days at at time.
I thought over all that it really could not get any worse emotionally, and then I heard God laughing in the background as he said, " Heather, hold on tight my dear, this is just the beginning".............