Some of the hardest lessons in life, we learn from our children

This was not written by myself or Lamar but by Katie. I'm so proud of her love, strength and dignity!
"This little boy changed my life in just 9 months. He will never know what he did for me. What did he do for me you ask? I learned patience, kindness, how to build Legos, how to play minecraft, and best of all, I learned to love this little boy that was so very broken. Fostering Jamison changed our family for the better.  We are closer now then we have ever been.  I thank The Lord everyday for the many blessings he has given to me.  Jamison is one of those many blessings.  He was not a foster child, he wasn't someone else's little boy, he was just my little brother.  He made me angry, annoyed me but all siblings can relate. I am upset and just heart broken we are losing him, but I have to realize , as does everyone else, that this was Gods choice.  God has a plan for us and all and this is part of Jamison's plan.  We gave him everything when he had nothing.  We brought him into our house and loved him. Now, Jamison will go back to his birth mother and I hope that we have rubbed off on him. Our kind words, Godliness, love for Jesus, our love in general and hope rubbed off onto him. I will miss him dearly and I will never again be able to hear someone bellow "sissy", but at least within these long 9 months that have felt like years, we were able to love this little boy!!!  Thank you Jamison for coming into my life  and changing it for the better.  I will miss you. I love you, Katie

Assistance from a stranger in my times of need

Hope and Healing for Parenting Adopted Children
by Jamie Ivey on Sunday, November 11, 2012
This article is courtesy of HomeLife Magazine.
I wasn't one of those little girls who grew up dreaming of adopting kids from all over the world. My husband, Aaron, and I never talked about adoption before we married, and yet three of our four children are adopted.
After the birth of our first son, Cayden, Aaron and I found ourselves surrounded by families pursuing adoption from China. The church we attended had started an adoption ministry, and we witnessed our peers stepping out in faith to adopt. It was through many conversations with these families that God laid it on our hearts to adopt our next child.
God added Deacon to our family as an infant in November 2005 through domestic adoption, but He wasn't done. Our lives were changed one evening in September 2007 when I was drawn to a photograph on a blog. A missionary woman in Haiti had written a heartfelt post about an abandoned little boy in desperate need of a family. Never before and never since have I felt the tangible movement of God in my heart for a specific child as I did for Amos. It was as if God leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Jamie, this is the son I have planned for you. He will be yours. Trust Me."
Over the next few months God provided ways to begin the process to adopt not only Amos, but also our beautiful daughter, Story, who was born in Haiti in November 2007.
After more than two painful years of the international adoption process, the family finally became complete. Story arrived home in October 2009, and our sweet Amos joined our family in January 2010, just 10 days after a magnitude 7 earthquake devastated his country.
I'm sure people assumed that finally having our four children at home with us were some of the happiest times for our family, but things were not as simple as they might have seemed. On one hand, Aaron and I were thrilled that the long adoption journey had ended, but it was just the beginning of Amos' difficult transition from abandoned orphan to fully accepted and embraced son.
A Rude Awakening
Aaron and I had no idea what would be in store for our family that year. Amos' little four-and-a-half-year-old heart had been through more hurt and disappointment than any child should endure. From birth to coming to our house, all he had ever known was loneliness, isolation, lack of attachment, and abandonment. Children with forms of attachment disorder can struggle deeply throughout their transition to their adoptive family.
During that first year I wondered if we had done the right thing. When Amos would shut down emotionally and cry in his bed for hours, I wondered if we had destroyed his life by taking him through an impossible transition. When he reacted to loving embraces with screams of anger, I wondered if I had ruined our other kids' lives. Would our family life ever be "normal" again (whatever that means)?
Aaron and I have endured many hard times since Amos has come home, and we've learned many things - perhaps the greatest lesson is that bringing a wounded child into a family isn't always as glamorous and smooth as we might hope. Scarred children may bring unimaginable pain into their new family. They may have a void in their hearts that will take years to fix. And in the end, only God can heal their wounds, not us. Our role as parents is to love them well.
I had read numerous adoption books but still wasn't prepared for the rejection that I would feel when Amos was unable to love me back. During our adoption process, I read Lark Eshleman's Becoming a Family, which describes what I have felt so many times over the past few years:
"Your child, when she was removed from her birth mother, experienced a break in normal bonding. Just as when we are rejected by a person very close to us emotionally, the experience can leave us extremely cautious of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable again. So, by virtue of the fact that you are now trying to form an attachment with her, she will try to push you away. Be ready for it. If you are not ready or do not have enough support, you will be confused and hurt by that rejection."
I had read this before Amos came but  how unprepared I was for the emotional rejection I felt as his mother.
When your son whom you have prayed over for years doesn't trust your love, it hurts. When Amos was first home, I would repeatedly tell him that I loved him, and every time his first response was, "Why?" None of my other kids have ever asked me that! They've known it and have felt it from the beginning, but Amos missed out on four years of assurance of his parents' unconditional love. He had no idea why I loved him, and he couldn't trust me, no matter how hard he tried. His heart had been hurt so deeply from a history of abandonment and neglect that he couldn't trust my love. He had no idea how to love me back.
One day while Amos was pushing me away, I realized that I don't treat Amos like God treats me when I push away from Him. God has never left me. He's never forsaken me. He has never treated me as if I were a lost cause. He just keeps lavishing love on me. He keeps whispering His promises in my heart. He keeps leading my paths. He just keeps loving me, regardless of my returning that love.
I have never given up on Amos, but my sinful heart made it hard to continue loving him when he didn't always reciprocate that love. There were days that my heart was weary from trying to love him. My soul felt too heavy to intercede for him and too heavy to understand the pain and sorrow he was going through.
A New Perspective
Amos has been home almost three years now, and God has not only changed his heart but ours through this journey. God has illuminated insecurities, idols of control and comfort, and areas of extreme selfishness as parents.
As I continue to think about the patient, faithful, and unending love God has lavished on me, my love for my children continues to deepen. I'm reminded to view my children as the Father views me. I'm reminded to view Amos through a lens of grace and mercy. As I think about my Heavenly Father's unconditional love for me, I have no choice but to love Amos, regardless of whether he reciprocates that love. So, I will fight for him. I will defend him. I will love him. I will hold him. I will serve him. I will show grace to him.
A Healing Heart
Through God's renewing of my heart, I have seen Amos' heart healing as well. He's more trusting, loving, and confident of my love than ever before. Just a couple months ago, I was tucking Amos in bed and discussing his behavior from earlier in the day. He'd had a hard time obeying, and we were talking through it. Then I told him that even though he disobeyed, I still loved him so much. As those words left my mouth, huge tears swelled from his eyes and began to run down his face.
Amos still struggles to trust my love when he's in trouble. He still tries to perform to make sure I keep loving him and accepting him. But I end every day telling him, "Amos, I love you no matter what you do."
Don't we all want to know that from the ones who love us? Isn't that how God treats us? No matter how much we mess up, He just keeps whispering to us, "Child, I love you no matter what you do."
If you are in the middle of a similar adoption struggle, trust that we serve a big God who is faithful. His desire is for us to parent with strength from Him alone. I've tried to love Amos through my own strength, and I fail every time. I can't do it. I can't take the hurt. Instead, I must surrender to loving Amos with a love I can't evoke. In the end, what Amos needs most is the love of Christ through me.
Ephesians 3:20 reminds us of the great hope we have in the power of Christ's love: "Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us." Friends, God can do it. We cannot. When you are struggling to love, hold tight to His promise: "My God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians4:19).
God knows what you need, and although it's hard at times to believe, you can trust Him. You aren't alone in your struggle. Seek Him, read literature on parenting hurt children, and find a professional adoption counselor who is committed to your child and your family.
God can heal your wounded child and bring peace to your heart as a parent. He can tame anger, mend tragic pasts, and cure what may seem incurable. May you pray for your child more fervently, love more than humanly possible, and trust that God will do far more than you dare to ask or think.
Jamie Ivey is passionate about following Jesus, loving her husband, talking about adoption, and trying to be the best mom she can be to the four cutest kids in the world.
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Heather S. Otwell
"May the cross of Christ be your only boast, and may you say, with sweet confidence, to live is Christ, and to die is gain" •John piper 

September-December 2012

September through Novemeber of 2012 brought a calm to the house. We were not a normal foster family at this time because we did not have both birth parents involved in the case and during these 3 months, birth mom had been away so we did not have contact with her in any kind of way. J adjusted well during this time and we began to see a broken little boy turn into this amazing little boy with so much potential. We were down to very few tantrums and the things that were being brought out through his actions were "normal" age appropriate things.
A bond was formed between him and Lamar and it was the sweetest thing that I had ever seen. Lamar would be walking in the store with his hands in his pocket and following closly behind him was J with his hands in his pockets as well.
We went through many firsts that we have many happy memories from. In September, we went fishing at West Lake with my parents and he caught a fish. October came a weekend trip to Chicago so we could go to Lego Land, trick-or-treating for Halloween and my mom making him his tiger costume that he wore to bed many nights before and after halloween. November was a big first when it was 70 one weekend and Lamar put the tent up in the back yard and him, J, Katie, Meredith and Becca had a campout. November also brought  his first Thanksgiving and spending the day with all of the Dunkin family.
December brought the Christmas holidays, break from school and our favorite time of year, Christmas! J learned the true meaning of Christmas when Jesus came to this world, born in a manger.
Katie thought we made a lot of progress and then one day we went to Grandma's house and walked by her manger scene and he said "look mom, Its Mary, Joseph and baby Noah"....Ok, so a little confusion on the bible stories.
December also brought a huge change of bringing his birth mom back into his life and ours. I want to say that it was all sunshine and daisies, but it was a huge struggle, and not just for him, but for all of us. In this situation of fostering to adopt or adoption period, you are not only dealing with the child that you are caring for but for all of the attachments that come with he or she. They all come with baggage and it is your job as their current parent to help them work through it. Thank goodness for the classes that we were able to take, but, just like with your own children, they do not all come the same and every child is so different. What worked for Katie does not work for J.
Kids that have been through trauma can hide a lot of things and can get really good at hiding agression. The thing is about it all, you never know when the past will rear its ugly head and come barrling at you with both fists!! Let me tell you, it would come at the worse times and linger for days at at time.
I thought over all that it really could not get any worse emotionally, and then I heard God laughing in the background as he said, " Heather, hold on tight my dear, this is just the beginning".............

How to find your way without a map

I always thought that your specific child ,when they are born,  could hand you the manual that goes with them, to tell you what to do in every situation! Well, we all know that never happens and so you go along raising your children and find out you are helping raise yourself as well. welcome to parenting 101.
You try to prepare yourself as best as you can, but it is never enough.
Katie was so easy as an infant and toddler in so many ways and I did often want to have that experience again and be able to bond with this baby we we receiving so that when they grew there would never be any question as to who was mom. I was not sure what to think when we were asked to take J.
He was turning 5 and every moment of his infancy until now was already taken and fulfilled by a woman whom he knew as mom.  What would this be like in my life? Would we bond, would there be the special moments that we'd share that I could store away in my precious mama memories forever?
What do I do with this? How do you form a bond with a child who already has one? 
Turns out in all reality that was not going to be the issue at all. There were greater things that we had to face. First, there was never a bond that had been formed in the past and a large lack of trust issues. The life he had lived until now was full of inconsistency and him being self-sufficient. I quickly learned that I can tell him until I am blue in the face that I will always love him and be there for him, but its not until I show him constantly that he believes it. So, does that mean in the last 8 months that I have figured it all out?.....To be honest, I wish I could say "oh yes!!!! I have all of the answers to bonding to a 5 year old boy that has called me mom all of 5 minutes! Absolutely not. I've not had to face any of this on my own and am very thankful for that. I've  had to read a lot from other mothers that have been through this and spend a lot of hours on my knees at my bedside in prayer. I have realized that I do not posess the answers to any of this, only my experience of what was and what has come. 
I have had a lot of fear, bumpy days, tears and expectations that have been crushed! I can say today with every fiber in my bones that it has been worth it. 

Utter chaos, major changes and huge blessings

July 18th 11:00am: I was at wal-mart picking up some school supplies for Katie and some things that my grandma needed. Sidebar! Yes, wal-mart, for those of you that know me I'm not a person that spends her time shopping at wal-mart. I don't have anything against the store in general. It's the people that the store attracts. I'm not the type of person who enjoys shopping with people who make you tube for the clothing, or lack there of that they choose to wear or not wear in some cases. Ok, so back to the story. I was up to my elbows in notebooks, folders and every other hot pink school supply when I first heard the sweet sound of Amy's voice. She explained she was from DHS and they had a 4 year old little boy that needed a home. I sat there stunned and then realized what she needed. A home, our home? Boy? 4 years old. What? We have a babies room, a crib. Oh my goodness, what do we do?  Well, of coarse, we said, yes.
It's funny that the path that we choose may not be exactly what we think it should be or going in the direction it should be, but I'm so very grateful that God does! Katie was in Louisiana with David and Julie when he moved in that day. What a journey this sweet little boy had to take. He didn't come with much because he couldn't bring everything he owned. He entered this strange house with strange people and so many fears about the future. But, we adjusted, together. Together we took everyday by every minute and learned a lot of what to do as we went along. Katie joined us 5 days later and chaos ensued. 14 1/2 years of living with not sharing to much, meet 4 year old Jamison who has never had to share! Everyday in the beginning was a struggle, from small fights to knock down drag outs with someone always crying in the end. Thankfully though, God was always there, guiding us and carrying us through all of the trials that we have and continue to endure. The last 2 months have changed us all so much and as we look to the future we see fights, hugs, kisses, hitting, but through it all, God.

Waiting is always the hardest part.......

I always have great memories of childhood thinking back to when David and I would be sitting in our pjs early Christmas morning at the top of our grand old wooden staircase. The anticipation being so much that our little bodies could not handle the excitement and we would burst with laughter and smile. The anticipation of hoping we were good all year and that Santa came and gave us everything we had asked for on our lists. Finally, the Christmas music would start, Elvis singing silver bells, we knew it was time to tear down the stairs and make our way to the living room and our treasures under the tree. I've really had those memories on my mind a lot lately due to the fact that the adoption has turned me into that little blonde girl, in her night gown, waiting for the music to start, so I could claim my treasure. I'm stuck at the top of that beautiful staircase and the excitement is so much at times that my body cannot stand it. These are the times when I cling to Lamar and his amazing assurance that the music will start soon and we can run together and claim our treasure! I yearn for that day to come but once again in this journey, I have to step back and realize that it is not my timing, not Lamar's timing, but Gods timing and his alone that this will happen. So yes, it has gone from the cold winter nights, to the fresh spring days into the stiffing heat of summer but in the midst of it all, I wait for the music to start! Heather S. Otwell

When is enough finally enough

I have to be very careful about the things that I say in this post because I want to protect the people involved as much as I can.
I cannot stand when people have children and treat them like trash and physically, mentally and sexually abuse them. Lamar, Katie and I are so distraught about a family that we know. The children in the family are starved for attention and need love. Their school has called DHS on the parents many times because of bruises on the children, investigations take place and the children are still there. This last weekend was really bad and the police were called to their house. 2 of the kids share a twin bed, 1 kid sleeps on the couch and 1 sleeps in a crate like thing. The house looks like something on horders(this is not first hand information from me but from a neighbor that has been in their house) and their animals have used all of the rooms as a bathroom.
When is enough finally enough where the CPS/DHS steps in and removes the children? All of the weeks that we spent in class listening to similar situations about children and now we hear of one that we know of and it seems that nothing is being done to take care of these children. Please do not think in any way that I am saying anything bad about DHS because that is not my intention at all. My heart is just in a million pieces for these children that need to know what it is like to not be yelled at all of the time, not be slaves to their parents, to know bath times and bed times with being tucked into their own beds and having mommy and daddy reading them bed time stories!
I wish that DHS would make something out of this awful situation but unless it is done shortly, I am writing this with a very heavy heart because they are moving from the house that they are currently in and moving about 45 minutes from the city into the country. God help these children that are going to be out in the middle of no where and no one will be able to see the black eyes, the dirty skin and the hungry look on their faces. My heart breaks

Accenttchuate the Positive

The funny things that happen when I am blogging. Katie and I are currently in her room as I am typing this up and she is searching for music on I tunes and we are talking. She is looking for her favorite old songs such as "Somewhere over the rainbow", "Meet me in St. Louis" and "Accenttchuate the Positive" by Perry Como. She is singing and I am enjoying listening to her because I know someday that she will be off on her own!
The third homestudy was very personal and so Lamar and I discussed it and are not going to blog about it. yes, we are trying to remain very open and informative about this adoption but there is a lot that is very personal and its ours and ours alone. I know that you all understand that
The final home insepection took place on the 30th of April and we are so relieved that it is over. having social workers in your house is very trying on your nerves-no matter how "clean and upright" you and your family/house is.
Katie sat in on the final session and then we did the final walk through. It is finiahes, and we passed with flying colors and the 3 of us are absolutly thrilled. Such an amazing final step in this adoption. So our house is baby proofed again and our journey is making great progress. The licensing part is complete and now we wait for the huge step of getting the baby. We have no idea yet if its a boy or a girl but we have names for both just in case :)

"O Sovereign Lord! You made the heavens and earth by your strong hand and powerful arm. Nothing is too hard for you! You show unfailing love to thousands, you are the great and powerful God, the Lord of Heaven's armies. You have all of the wisdom and do great and mighty miracles." Jeremiah 3:17-19

Final thoughts of PS MAPP

The final thoughts of things that we have come to learn over the past 10 weeks: 1. Know your own family 2. Communicate effectively 3. Know the children 4. Build strengths, meet needs 5. Work in partnership 6. Be loss and attachment experts 7. Managed behaviors 8. Build connections 9. Build self esteem 10. Assure health and safety 11. Assess impact 12.make an informed decision.

In the end, Lamar and I finished these meetings, coming out as different people. Learning our strengths from our needs and becoming even more prepared to love a child and become their forever family! I think there are times in your life when you think that you know your family so well, but in the midst of life, you can lose that knowledge that you once held so dear. You not only learn about your family but you learn so much about yourself. Some good things and lets all face it, some not so good things! oh please, everyone has baggage and garbage in their life that we would care to sweep under the rug, but unfortunately, the classes make you bring it out into the open. After all, as our social worker tells Katie all of the time, "We don't just give children away!"
I do have to share though how well they quickly learned about Lamar. All of you that of course no him, know that he adores food! This is the man who could play the SNL skit with the all you can eat chinese buffet and the man yelling at Chris Farley saying "Fat boy, you leave, you eat too much." ok, so back to the story. Every week a couple was to bring snacks for the class since we were there for 3 hours. The second week, we get there and are all settled in and the couple that was supposed to bring snacks had yet arrived. our teacher says to the class, well, Im not sure who was supposed to bring the snacks this week for class, but we will figure it....(Lamar very loudly interupts), stands up from his chair, points across to the empty chairs, and says in his deep southern drawl , "that couple over there is in charge of snacks tonight!!!", so after the laughing stopped, our teacher says, well, if anything, Lamar will always know who is bringing food! I love my husband!
Final thought on the 10 weeks of classes. We are ready and so prepared to be parents again and raise this amazing child that God has chosen just for us. Katie is going to be an amazing big sister and adore this child and this child is going to be loved by so many people and have a wonderful life and so many opprutunities that it may not have had. This journey is going to be a rollar coaster of emotions, but in the big picture, God is in control, he has a plan and no matter the road that it takes to get there, it is the journey that makes us who we are and strengthens us to become even better people then we were before.
We also have learned that we can preach and preach Katie everything that we think she should do and how she should live, and the person that we feel she should be, but the ultimate truth is that she has become the young woman that she is by learning what she has lived and the examples of what we have and still continue to be for her. Your life is what you make of it, you only have 1, so make the best of everything that God has blessed you with.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

Baby's First Book

Tell me again about the night I was born by Jamie Lee Curtis

This is the very first book that we bought for the baby after we had made the decision to move forward with the adoption. It had been raining very heavy and we nipped into Borders bookstore on a saturday night before church service. The bookstore is one of my favorite places on earth. It is the smell of the coffee, the quietness of the surroundings and the walls and shelves full of amazing literature from past and present authors that can take you to amazing places in your imagination. It is in this wonderful place that this book was found and will remain my favorite book for this baby. A small token of memories from the past and something they will hopefully cherish as much as we do. Here is just a short excerpt from the book: ~Tell me again about the night I was born
 ~Tell me again how you couldnt grow a baby in your tummy, so another woman who was too young to take care of me was growing me and she would be my birth mother, and you would adopt me and be my birth parents
 ~Tell me again about the first time you saw me and how you couldnt believe something so small could make you smile so big
~Tell me again how tiny and perfect I was
~Tell me again about the first time you held me in your arms and called me your baby sweet. tell me how you cried happy tears
~Tell me again about my first bottle and how I liked it so much
~Tell me again about my first diaper change and how I didnt like it at all
~Tell me again about the first night you were my daddy and you told me about baseball being the perfect game, like your daddy told you
~Tell me again about the first night you were my mommy and you sang the lullaby your mommy sang to you
~Tell me again about our first night as a family
~mommy, daddy, tell me again about the night I was born

PS MAPP Meeting 5 & 6

These 2 meetings were very similar in the information that we covered. It was helping children learn to manage behaviors and focusing on family structuring. #1. Be clear about expectations and rules inside and outside the home. #2. Helping children with birth family connections, keeping them with their culture and do not let them lose their identity. This was very overwhelming for me as we discussed this. How would you keep a child connected to their culture if they are a different race? Do you try and Make a Chinese, Russian, Haitian, or whatever race or color, do you try and make them white? I'm not in anyway trying to sound vulgar but I never thought about how we would handle any of it. We had a couple in our class that adopted 3 boys from Ethiopia and too keep them connected to their culture, every year they celebrate African holidays to keep them connected! What a great way to help them keep their identity and some connection to their culture and the country they were born in! The other memorable thing for us was the openness in the adoption. The level of openness is a parental decision based upon the needs of the child. Here are ways to help keep connections •providing children with information about their family origin. •letters and photos exchanged between parents and adoptive parents through the child placement agency. •giving children photos and letters from their parents and or extended family members. •sharing holidays with birth parents and or extended family. •regular or semi regular visits. Lamar and I have discussed in great length on an open adoption and feel, under a normal adoption that we will be fine with an open adoption. We don't consider it as a benefit to birth patents but for our future child. "your steadfast love. Oh Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mountains of God." psalm 36:5-6

MS-MAPP #4

I have never thought that I could be any other way than honest in this journey! Where does that leave me from meeting 4? Well, the children with attachments and helping a child live with attachments for the rest of their lives freaked me out. I sat there and said, this does not effect us, we are getting a baby,Straight from the oven, no worries! I'm not worried, I can go back to playing seven little words. Yes, I hear the laughter in the background. I will tell you what Lamar and I learned from this instead of saying, it's life, take your Prozac like everyone else living in the U.S. and don't worry. 1. The basic needs of humans, is survival, safety, love, belonging, self esteem, and making dreams coming true. 2. The definition of attachment is the affectionate and emotional tie between people that continues indefinitely over time and lasts even when people are geographically apart. My fears have eased due to the harsh reality of life and knowing that anyone from any walk of life can have some sort of attachment needs. It's ok and we will all be fine. Loving this child with everything that we have and giving him or her everything to fulfill them! "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." Matthew 5:8

Labor pains and other not so fun things........

Sitting in adoption class on Tuesday night, my back was achy. not normal achy, just different, uncomfortable achy. not fun achy! I sat the entire class before deciding that it was time to go to the hospital. I am thankful that we live within screaming distance of East campus because the pain was not getting any better. there was no wait at the ER, I know right, I discussed it later with the nurse and I did relay to her that it was not a full moon and therefore all of the normal "crazy" people that find themselves out and about during these times, were under their normal rocks hiding. The doctor came into say hi and asked me my medical opinion on what was going on. Well, with all of my years of medical school, I threw clenched teeth, explained that being a veteran of the Kidney Stones R Us club, it was a stone and it was moving. He was so great about quickly getting me the meds that I needed to see the room move, 2 of Lamar and be able to text again on my phone. I still am unsure what I needed to tell my mom at that particular moment but in my medicated stupor, felt it of importance! I later found out that I expressed to her that in no uncertain terms, we needed milk! So sparing all of the remainder of the labor and delivery, I gave birth to an amazing,painful, small kidney stone in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. They sent me home with an antibiotic and pain meds because of an infection in my kidneys on top of the stone. I will NOT give up.....I did feel close to death several times over the days that followed, due to a reaction to the antibiotic. that was worse then the stone, to be honest, I would not recommend either one! Alls well that ends well though, I ended up with new meds and have taken a miraculous turn for better health once again and will shortly be back in full force getting updates rolling along on the adoption!

Memorable meeting #3

The most memorable thing from meeting #3: bonding and attachment, children cannot grow up normally unless they have a continuing stable relationship, an attachment to at least one nurturing adult. It is so important for children to have attachments to nurturing adults, if they lack any kind of "normalcy", they end up with many attachments along the way. Some children that have been adopted and have not experienced nurturing, they can spend their lives dealing with the effects. Lifelong issues include: loss, rejection, guilt/shame, Grief, identity, intimacy, and control. These are some huge issues to get over. My mind often wonders in class as we discuss the children, why does this have to happen to them? Little innocent children who don't choose this life. The solice that I have is that My heart is full when I know that we can have one of these baby's to raise and be their nurturer from birth to forever!

The baby's room

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" Matthew 6:21
The walls are turquoise and brown with an oatmeal color chair rail. The changing table is espresso, the 3 shelf stand in the corner is distressed yellow and from Lanell's house(Lamar's mom). The rocking chair is brown, and was bought by my dad on the day I came home from the hospital. The crib is an oatmeal color that matches the chair rail and the crib belonged to one of my dearest friends who is just like my sister! The crib held her 2 children, Claire & Christopher, when they were babies. Lamar and I are very honored to have these special pieces of furniture in our baby's nursery!!
The nursery is not yet complete, but soon it will be exactly what I dreamed it would be

Funny story in front of a judge

So with all of the garbage that we hear week after week of what happens to these kids, it is always nice to hear a funny story and share in the joy of children being placed in loving homes! This story comes from one of our social workers who always attends the adoptions of the children. when you work around this stuff on a minute to minute basis, you have to have some good to every now and then outway the bad.
This amazing older couple adopted 4 boys under the age of 10, all who had a diagnosis of ADHD, God bless these people. anyway, they went before the judge on the day of the adoption and the judge asked if any of them were going to change their first names. the youngest, who was just 5, raised his hand and very excitedly asked the courtroom if his name could be changed to Cougar! the mother very calmly put her hand on his lap and said, "no dear, we are not changing it to cougar" and that was it! Love 5 year olds and love to hear stories of hope in these dark times

Recap of PS MAPP meetings 1-2

So time  and time again we have been asked what we like most about the classes and what makes the biggest impact on us. It has taken some time to think about this and re read what we have done in some of the classes but this is the bottom line of what we have come up with as the most memorable. The truth is in some of this, that the information is NOT always birds and sunshine. we deal with the same case studies every single week and have some to know these kids. The bad news is that the things that have happend to these kids are mind blowing, tear wrenching, oh my goodness how does someone in their right mind allow that to happen to an infant, child, well, anyone for that matter! ok, enough of my opinion on part of this world's population. Class #1: Learning all of Iowa's state laws about adoption and foster parenting. Learning the child's rights, and learning our rights as an adoptive family or "forever family". Class #2: The impact of physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional maltreatment, and neglect on a child's development. Helping the premature baby or infant who is prenatally drug exposed or that has FAS(fetal alcohol syndrome) attach and develop.  So much information for us to all take in just 6 short hours

Home study visits

The law requires that in an adoption, 4 in home visits from a licenser are completed. Yes, to some, an invasion of privacy!! I guess at first, it was that to me. Lamar, he doesn't care.
These visits are designed to help families and social workers jointly assess strengths and needs in our family setting. All family members living in the house participate.
They collect a ton of paperwork and know us now inside and out!!! Lamar and I discussed it from the beginning and knew that we would ultimately be ok with it for the end result being a baby that needs a loving home.
As of today, we have 1 study complete and the 2nd one is set for Monday the 16th.
Home study #1 was all personal information. Where we were born and raised and everything in between. Funniest question from the first visit was asking about our neighbors and if we had any problems with them??? For those of you that know us well, know we have this huge house by us and it was turned into a rental property. We get the bottom of the barrel moving in and out all of the time, no joke. This time we have a couple with 4 kids and the parents, every Wednesday, are outside yelling at the top of their lungs, you little morons, *#%•*, €¥£^%%, and so on and then when every explicate has been yelled, the say "ok, get in the van, we're going to be late for church!!!!!" ROTFL

PS MAPP

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
When we were told about taking these classes, I thought, really? I've raised a child and she is fine. I know how to change and take care of a baby, what are you going to teach me?
Wow, the things I've learned. See, even though Matt, Megan, Jessica and Katie were children of divorce, they had the mother that gave birth to them. They had a "normal" enough childhood.
This class is for licensing and includes fostering as well. You learn things that happen to children/babies that you can never wrap your head around!! You learn a out the ultimate depravity of what a "human being" I use that term so loosely is capable of! The evil that lives in this world. It makes you speechless, I promise.
The class is defined as: meetings that explain the process of becoming an adoptive parent and the legal foundation for child welfare services. Focused on safety, well being and permanence. You learn, 1. Losses and gains 2. Helping children with attachments. 3. Helping children learn to manage their behaviors 4. Helping children with birth family connections 5. Understanding the impact of fostering or adopting 6. Endings and beginnings

Megan Lanell Otwell